Most people who find me don't use the word trauma. They say: "I'm not happy, and I don't know why"
The Way We Live
"Being happy requires feeling safe. I never do."
The Way We Relate
"Who can they see when they look at me?"
The Way We Work
"They know how I perform — not what it costs."
The Way We Play
"I can't give myself permission to let go."
Two Kinds of Trauma That Arrive Through Other People
Relational trauma
is harm that comes through a relationship — any relationship. A parent, a sibling, a teacher, a partner, a boss, a friend. Wherever there was connection, and the connection wounded instead of held. It doesn't require violence or a single terrible event; it can be years of criticism, control, absence, betrayal, or simply never being safe to be yourself with someone who mattered. The wound isn't only what they did — it's what it taught you about closeness.
Vicarious trauma
is harm that comes through witnessing — being present to, or caught up in, the traumatic experiences of others. Sometimes that's work: the nurse, the doctor, the teacher, the therapist, the social worker, the police officer who stands inside other people's worst days, year after year. Sometimes it isn't work at all: loving someone through addiction or breakdown, watching your child struggle and being unable to reach them, being the one everyone brings the unbearable things to. You didn't have to be the one it happened to. You had to be there.
It wasn't a choice. It was a strategy.
None of this is accidental, and none of it is weakness. The two kinds of trauma feed each other. The person shaped by wounding relationships often becomes the one who holds everyone else — at home, at work, in every room they enter. And the one who holds everyone else is exactly the person other people's trauma finds. The adaptation was brilliant. It saved you — and now it is quietly costing you your self.
Moving From Carrying to Living
Recovery
is about setting down what was never yours to carry, and retrieving the person underneath the role.
In our work together
we move beyond symptom management. We look at how the carrying began, what it protects, and what it costs — and we gently dismantle the adaptations that no longer serve you, making room for your own life to finally breathe.
Areas of Specialist Focus
Relational trauma — harm that came through a relationship, at any age: parents, siblings, partners, teachers, bosses. The patterns it formed, replaying in the relationships you have now.
Vicarious and secondary trauma — the accumulated weight of witnessing: professionally (medicine, education, therapy, social work, emergency services) or personally (loving someone through crisis). Compassion fatigue, numbness, intrusion, burnout that rest doesn't touch.
Complex PTSD (CPTSD): Managing emotional flashbacks and the relentless "inner critic."
The "Fawn" Response: People-pleasing, loss of boundaries, and "merging" with others to feel safe.
Somatic Symptoms: Unexplained pain, fatigue, and nervous system dysregulation (the body keeping the score)
Toxic Shame: The deep-seated belief that you are fundamentally flawed, not just that you made a mistake.
Working Together
I'm a consultant psychotherapist with over 30 years' clinical experience, specialising in relational and vicarious trauma. I work with people across Cheltenham, the Cotswolds and Gloucestershire. Sessions are online. Sessions last 60 minutes. The first step is a free 15-minute consultation.
Many of my clients research for weeks or months before making contact.
Take your time. When you're ready, request a no-obligation, no-cost conversation — a few lines about what you're looking for is enough, and I'll reply personally.
Request a no obligation, no cost conversation.