When we believe in ourselves, It’s a good start to helping us achieve our goals and dreams and also helps towards our mental wellbeing.
But there is a flip side to this, a lack of belief in ourselves means we are less likely to push ourselves to achieve our goals or to try and make things better for ourselves. If we expect we are going to fail at something we are actually more likely to do just that.
What we need to try and realise is, that by believing in ourselves it will lead to us being able to achieve more and that if we don’t believe in ourselves we can get stuck in a rut and actually not get anywhere!
We can try as hard as possible to get things done but if we have no self -belief we are in fact sabotaging ourselves and stopping ourselves from reaching our goals.
So, how do you believe in yourself?
Self-worth is the sense that you have value as a human being.
Self-confidence is a positive attitude about your abilities, qualities, and judgment.
Self-trust is faith that you can rely on yourself
These are some of the key components involved in believing in yourself. Maybe you struggle with just one of them or maybe you struggle with all of them.
By understanding where your struggles lie, it'll be easier to start shifting your attitudes about yourself.
Ask yourself these questions to better understand if there are things that are getting in the way of you believing in yourself:
Self-worth: Do you value yourself as a human being? Do you agree that you're no worse than any other person?
Self-confidence: Do you feel good about your skills, strengths, and abilities? Do you feel good about your personal qualities? Do you feel good about your judgment and decision-making?
Self-trust: Can you rely on yourself? Can you trust that you'll do what you say you'll do?
If you answered "no" or were leaning towards "no" to any of these questions, those are likely the areas that stop you.
Once you've realised which of the above are your unhelpful self-beliefs, If you feel like you have no value, tell yourself, "You are a valuable, amazing, person who deserves to live a good life." Or, if you don't feel confident, remind yourself of your positive qualities and skills.
Positive self-talk like this can help improve your self-confidence and enable you to achieve your goals and belief in yourself. We also need to build self-trust. If we think of we usually think we need to trust others, this is true, but we also need to trust ourselves.
If we trust another person it’s usually because they are honest, we can count on them, and we believe they are doing what is best for us, so we need to build these things with ourselves.
Maybe we aren’t being truly honest with ourselves, maybe we can’t count on ourselves to do the things we say we will do, or maybe we are afraid that the things we do could be harmful to us.
One example of the above, and we are all guilty of it is we tell ourselves that on Monday the diet will start or we will start back at the gym…. But never do!
So here are some things that we can try to do to change this:
Do what you say you're going to do. Maybe this means reducing your number of commitments, learning to say "no," or sticking to a schedule.
Be honest with yourself. Take time to reflect on whether you are being honest with yourself. Try not to focus so much on what other people want you to do.
Do what you believe to be right. Don’t follow along with something because other people do. Follow what you feel to be right, good, and true.
Be clear. Get clearer about who you are and what you want. Know the things you are willing to do and the things you are not. That way you can trust yourself to make good decisions and communicate them effectively.
Above all, I’m here to help you and put you on the right path to finding the self-confident you. Someone who believes in themselves and their self-worth.
Jimi D Katsis Bristol-based consultant psychotherapist at www.jimikatsis.com specialising in recovery from trauma, depression, and anxiety.