When Everything Changes: Finding Freedom and Deeper Connection in Impermanence

The Ever-Changing River: Impermanence in My Practice

Impermanence is more than just an abstract concept—it's alive in every aspect of my therapeutic practice. Each relationship I build, each story I witness, and every deeply personal moment shared in my therapy space constantly reminds me that nothing is ever fixed or permanent. It's a humbling truth, one that the Greek philosopher Heraclitus captured perfectly when he said, "No man ever steps in the same river twice, for it's not the same river and he's not the same man." Yet, how often do we truly grasp the profound freedom this simple insight offers?

The Comfort in Change: Why Impermanence Offers Freedom

Imagine for a moment genuinely accepting that nothing remains unchanged—neither your struggles nor your joys. What if you realised, deeply and completely, that no difficult situation lasts indefinitely? Buddhist teachings highlight this truth profoundly: "All conditioned things are impermanent—when one sees this with wisdom, one turns away from suffering."

This understanding resonates across wisdom traditions. In Ecclesiastes, we find the poetic reminder that "To everything there is a season, and a time for every purpose under heaven"—acknowledging life's natural cycles, where periods of suffering inevitably give way to healing.

These insights offer a powerful key to freedom, especially for those who feel trapped in cycles of pain, disappointment, or anxiety.

Impermanence invites us to see our lives differently, not as static situations we're forced to endure, but as constantly shifting landscapes that will inevitably transform. For many of us, this is not just comforting; it's transformative.

I witnessed this transformation firsthand with Claire (not her real name), who had spent seventeen years in a relationship where emotional manipulation had become so normalised she couldn't imagine life outside it. "I've invested too much to leave now," she would say, her body visibly contracting whenever we discussed change. When we began exploring the concept of impermanence—the idea that everything, including suffering, eventually transforms—something shifted. "What if this pain isn't permanent?" she wondered aloud one session, her shoulders relaxing for the first time. Six months later, she had created boundaries that eventually led to either healing the relationship or leaving it—there was a choice, the fear of change no longer paralysed her because she understood deeply that nothing, not even pain, lasts forever.

A Curious Paradox: How Knowing Endings Deepens Connection

Here's a curious paradox I've discovered in my therapeutic practice: accepting impermanence doesn't weaken connections—it deepens them. How can that be? Consider therapy itself: when someone steps into my practice, we both know that our relationship is ultimately temporary.

Its purpose is literally to help them grow beyond needing it.

Yet rather than making me cautious or distant, this understanding compels me to show up completely, authentically, fully present to each precious interaction. Lao Tzu beautifully captures this idea in the Tao Te Ching: "If you realize that all things change, there is nothing you will try to hold on to."

This begs the question: could we approach all our relationships this way, fully present and engaged precisely because we know they're fleeting? How might our lives shift if we released the exhausting burden of trying to hold onto relationships that no longer nourish us?

Living with Temporariness: An Invitation to Presence

Marcus Aurelius, in his Meditations, gently reminds us: "Everything is ephemeral." This idea isn't meant to provoke despair but rather curiosity—an invitation to embrace each moment more fully. When we genuinely accept impermanence, anxiety about the future and regrets about the past begin to fade, replaced instead by a profound sense of presence and authenticity.

This shift isn't merely philosophical—it manifests physically. I've watched clients' breathing deepen, their shoulders drop, and their voices strengthen as they begin to embody this truth. The constant chatter of anxious thoughts ("What if this never changes?" "I'll always feel this broken") gradually quietens. The heavy weight of depression—that sense that suffering is permanent and inescapable—lightens when we truly understand that no state, however painful, remains unchanged forever.

Think about the patterns in your life—the relationship you're afraid to leave, the career you dread every morning, the identity you've worn like a mask. What if you recognised these not as fixed and inescapable but as temporary experiences, ready to shift if only you'd let them?

Letting Go to Grow: Embracing Change in Relationships

There's a beautiful liberation in the thought that everything changes. Poet Rainer Maria Rilke wisely encourages us to "let everything happen to you: beauty and terror. Just keep going. No feeling is final." Yet, how often do we cling desperately to people, moments, or roles that no longer serve us? What if we trusted that letting go is not an act of losing but of making space for something truer, something more aligned with who we genuinely are?

This isn't about detachment—quite the opposite. It's a deeper, richer kind of attachment. It's loving fully while knowing that things inevitably evolve, transform, or even end. Could this awareness give you the courage to finally release what you've been desperately clinging to, knowing something more authentic awaits?

The Wisdom of Endings: Making Space for the New

The Bhagavad Gita teaches us to live fully in the present, assuring us, "Whatever happened was good, whatever is happening is good, whatever will happen will also be good." This isn't blind optimism; it's an invitation to trust the natural flow of life. Imagine how freeing it would feel to let go of the anxiety of permanence—to no longer fear endings because you've come to trust that every ending makes space for a new beginning.

I've watched this realisation unfold in my clients' lives. When someone grasps that impermanence doesn't diminish but enriches their experiences, transformation becomes possible. They move from a place of fearful stagnation into genuine growth—embracing life, relationships, and experiences with newfound openness and authenticity.

For those who have adapted to trauma by creating rigidly controlled lives—where spontaneity feels dangerous and change terrifying—embracing impermanence can feel counterintuitive at first. The very structures that once protected you may now constrain you. Yet in acknowledging that even these protective patterns are impermanent, there's profound permission to evolve beyond survival mechanisms into a life of genuine flourishing.

Holding Life Lightly: A Personal Practice

Personally, this is more than theory—it's how I strive to live every day and how I’ve survived multiple traumas. Each moment, each relationship, receives my complete attention precisely because I know it won't last forever. This awareness makes life extraordinarily precious.

I remember standing beside my father's hospital bed as he suffered with Alzheimer's without a hint of him knowing who I was. Amidst the profound grief was an equally profound awareness that this moment, too, was temporary—not just his life, but my experience of losing him. This understanding didn't diminish my pain but somehow made it bearable, allowing me to be fully present with him rather than caught in my own fear of loss. That experience taught me how acceptance of impermanence creates space for authentic connection, even—perhaps especially—in our most challenging moments.

Ask yourself: what would your life look like if you stopped trying to hold onto things tightly? How might your relationships, career, and sense of self shift if you truly embraced impermanence?

The Beautiful Dance: Finding Authenticity in Impermanence

The paradox of impermanence is truly beautiful: by fully accepting that nothing lasts forever, we become capable of richer, deeper, and more authentic connections. Philosopher Alan Watts beautifully articulates this truth: "The only way to make sense out of change is to plunge into it, move with it, and join the dance."

This is the precious wisdom impermanence offers us—not merely a lesson in letting go, but a profound invitation to live with authenticity and courage. It reminds us to hold life lightly, appreciating each moment deeply and fully precisely because we know it's temporary. And in that understanding lies genuine freedom and the possibility for transformative healing.

Returning to the River

Like that ever-flowing river Heraclitus described, our lives are in constant motion. When we resist this flow—clinging desperately to what is familiar even when it harms us—we create suffering. But when we recognise that everything, including our deepest pain, is temporary, we find the courage to release what no longer serves us.

There are many examples of this very powerful idea across all religious and philosophical texts from Christian to Buddhist. This isn't about minimising current pain but placing it within the larger context of ongoing transformation—recognising that our current state, whatever it may be, is simply one chapter in a longer story.

The truth is simple yet profound: nothing lasts forever—neither trauma, nor toxic relationships, nor the adaptations you made to survive them. In embracing this impermanence, you free yourself to step into the flowing river of authentic living, where each moment offers a new possibility, a fresh beginning, another chance to become who you truly are.

Jimi D Katsis