The Ever-Changing River: Embracing Impermanence in My Therapeutic Practice

Impermanence: A Living Truth in Therapy

Impermanence is more than an abstract concept—it's a living truth woven into every aspect of my therapeutic practice. Each relationship I build, every story I witness, and every deeply personal moment shared in my therapy space remind me that nothing is fixed or permanent. This humbling reality echoes the words of the Greek philosopher Heraclitus: "No man ever steps in the same river twice, for it's not the same river and he's not the same man." But how often do we truly appreciate the freedom this insight provides?

The Comfort in Change: Why Impermanence Offers Freedom

Accepting change can be incredibly liberating. Imagine understanding that nothing, neither your struggles nor your joys, remains unchanged. What if you realized that no difficult situation lasts indefinitely? Buddhist teachings highlight this truth: "All conditioned things are impermanent—when one sees this with wisdom, one turns away from suffering."

This realization resonates across numerous wisdom traditions. In Ecclesiastes, we find the phrase "To everything there is a season, and a time for every purpose under heaven." This acknowledges life’s natural cycles, where suffering eventually makes way for healing. Such insights are keys to freedom for those feeling trapped in cycles of pain, disappointment, or anxiety.

Impermanence invites us to view our lives differently—not as static situations to endure but as shifting landscapes that constantly transform. This perspective often brings comfort and, more importantly, transformative potential.

A Personal Transformation: Claire's Journey

I witnessed this transformation with a client, Claire (not her real name). She spent seventeen years in a relationship where emotional manipulation became normalised. "I've invested too much to leave now," she would often say, her body tense at the mere mention of change. When we explored impermanence—understanding that everything, including suffering, transforms—something shifted.

"What if this pain isn't permanent?" she mused in one session, her shoulders relaxing for the first time. Months later, she created boundaries that either healed her relationship or provided the option to leave it. The fear of change no longer paralyzed her because she understood that nothing, not even pain, lasts forever.

The Paradox of Endings: Connections Deepened

Here’s a curious aspect of my therapeutic practice: accepting impermanence doesn’t weaken connections; it deepens them. How does this work? Consider therapy itself: when someone enters my practice, we both know that our relationship is, ultimately, temporary. Its purpose is to empower them to grow and eventually live independently.

Rather than making me cautious or distant, this truth compels me to engage fully and authentically with each interaction. Lao Tzu beautifully sums this idea in the Tao Te Ching: "If you realize that all things change, there is nothing you will try to hold on to."

Could we apply this understanding to all our relationships? Fully present and engaged, knowing they are fleeting? Imagine how freeing it would feel to release the burden of holding on to relationships that no longer nourish us.

Living with Temporariness: An Invitation to Presence

Marcus Aurelius, in his Meditations, reminds us: "Everything is ephemeral." This assertion should not evoke despair but inspire curiosity—an invitation to embrace each moment. When we truly accept impermanence, anxiety about the future and regrets about the past fade away. We gain a profound sense of presence and authenticity.

This shift isn’t just philosophical; it manifests physically. I've noticed clients' breathing deepen and their voices strengthen as they embody this truth. The noise of anxious thoughts gradually quiets. The heaviness of depression lifts when we internalize that no state—no matter how painful—remains unchanged.

Consider your own patterns—the relationship that holds you back, the career you dread, or the identity you cling to. What if you acknowledged these not as fixed states but as temporary experiences, ready to shift if you allow them?

Letting Go to Grow: Embracing Change in Relationships

There’s beauty in accepting that everything changes. Poet Rainer Maria Rilke advised us to "let everything happen to you: beauty and terror. Just keep going. No feeling is final." Yet, how often do we cling to people, moments, or roles that no longer serve us? What if we trusted that letting go opens doors to something truer and more aligned with our authentic selves?

This isn’t about detachment; it’s about forming deeper, richer attachments. It’s loving fully while understanding that everything evolves, transforms, or even ends. Could this awareness empower you to finally release what you've clung to, making space for something more authentic?

The Wisdom of Endings: Making Space for the New

The Bhagavad Gita encourages us to live fully, stating: "Whatever happened was good, whatever is happening is good, whatever will happen will also be good." This perspective isn’t blind optimism; it’s a trust in life’s natural flow. Imagine how freeing it would feel to let go of the anxiety of permanence and no longer fear endings. Every ending paves the way for a new beginning.

I’ve witnessed this realization in my clients' lives. When one understands that impermanence enriches experiences rather than diminishes them, transformation follows. They move from fearful stagnation to genuine growth—embracing life, relationships, and experiences with newfound openness.

For those who’ve adapted to trauma by creating controlled lives, embracing impermanence can feel counterintuitive at first. The structures once protective may now constrain you. However, acknowledging that these patterns are impermanent provides permission to evolve into a flourishing life.

Holding Life Lightly: A Personal Practice

This insight goes beyond theory—it shapes how I strive to live every day, how I've navigated multiple traumas. Each moment and relationship receives my complete attention because I know it won’t last forever. This awareness makes life incredibly precious.

I recall standing beside my father’s hospital bed as he struggled with Alzheimer’s, often forgetting who I was. The profound grief only highlighted the transience of my experience. Understanding this didn’t lessen my pain; it made it bearable, allowing me to fully engage with him despite my fears of loss.

Ask yourself: what if you stopped trying to hold on tightly to everything? How might your relationships, career, and sense of self shift if you truly embraced impermanence?

The Beautiful Dance: Finding Authenticity in Impermanence

The paradox of impermanence is inspiring: by accepting that nothing lasts forever, we can forge richer connections. Philosopher Alan Watts articulates this beautifully: "The only way to make sense out of change is to plunge into it, move with it, and join the dance."

This wisdom teaches us not only to let go but also invites us to live authentically and courageously. It reminds us to appreciate each moment deeply, precisely because we know it's temporary. Within this understanding lies the freedom to heal and grow.

Returning to the River

Like the ever-flowing river Heraclitus described, our lives are in constant motion. When we resist this flow—clinging to what's familiar, even if it harms us—we create suffering. However, when we acknowledge that everything, including our deepest pain, is temporary, we gain courage to release what no longer serves us.

This powerful concept appears across religious and philosophical texts, from Christian teachings to Buddhist principles. It's not about minimizing current pain but placing it in the context of ongoing transformation—recognizing that any state we are in is just a chapter in a longer narrative.

The truth is simple yet profound: nothing lasts forever—neither trauma, toxic relationships, nor the adaptations we crafted to survive them. Embracing impermanence frees you to step into the flowing river of authentic living, where each moment offers new potential, fresh beginnings, and opportunities to become who you truly are.

Jimi D Katsis