Most of us want self-confidence because we want to feel good about ourselves. But self-confidence is also important for other things. The higher our self-confidence, the higher our motivation to act.
Self-confidence is also a good thing as if we lack in it we are more likely to fail at the task we have set for ourselves.
One of the most important aspects of self-confidence is self-worth. We are all worthy. Some of us however can feel worthless.
Maybe we feel like we're disposable, unlovable, or just not good enough in some way. But that's not true.
Perhaps you learned this from critical parents, from being bullied by kids at school, or from a culture that suggested that your gender, race, or other features made you less worthy than others.
The longer we've had negative self-beliefs, the harder they are to override. It can take time to replace the “I’m not good enough “ or “I’m not worthy enough” with “ I am worthy” and “I am good enough” You need to keep telling yourself positive things about yourself so you can move towards believing it.
You must also learn to recognise your good qualities, everybody has some. If you spend too much time focusing on the negative aspects of your personality, for instance, it will be hard for you to remember you have good qualities as well.
As well as your good qualities, try and recognise your strengths. You will be more able to put yourself in a situation where you thrive if you can do this.
For instance, you may be good at cooking and pursue a career as a chef. Because you know this is one of your strengths you are more likely to achieve your goals and build your self-confidence which will allow you to thrive in your chosen career and build your self-confidence while you are doing so.
To be more confident, we may also need to develop a more positive attitude towards ourselves. Many of us spend time criticising ourselves, the way we look, how we react to situations or people, we can be our own worst critics.
All we can ever do is our best, and we need to learn to accept that and try and be a little bit kinder to ourselves.
If you are struggling with your own self-confidence issues maybe I can help you navigate the way to a better you. With a few simple tools, we can build your self-confidence back up and start you on your journey to a new and improved you!
Jimi D Katsis Bristol-based consultant psychotherapist at www.jimikatsis.com specialising in recovery from trauma, anxiety, and depression.